Running to stand still

It sucks to not know if what you’re doing is the right thing or not. Well, the fact is that you really don’t get to know, and that sucks more. You just blindly go with the flow and ride the waves of life under the influence of your so called principles and beliefs. All you can do is wait and see where it might lead you and hope that its a better place. But often times its not and you contemplate, should you have gone the other way what would have happened? Being stuck in such a situation is just torture. I am too busy battling my insecurities, fighting boredom at work with a smile on my face, trying hard to avoid complaining about how horrible life is and how alone I feel at times. I don’t know how to steer clear of these problems and because of them I barely feel human enough to function. Or perhaps being this affected only shows how human I am, in that case I wish I was a robot so I won’t feel anything. This all seems like a bad dream, one that I can’t escape, I scream at the top of my lungs but no one hears me, I want to wake up now.  But no matter how hard I try to pull myself out, loneliness creeps and slowly pulls me back in and Im suffocated. It sheds darkness to the last flicker of hope I am holding on to. I feel so helpless. I don’t know how long this will go on, all I know is the longer it takes the more it divests me of my sanity and the deeper I fall into despair. So I go about my day with complete indifference. I was told to just hold on and follow the sun. Well, I’m holding on to dear life, but its letting go.